This dark gothic damask wallpaper, which my friend Dustin Silva and I put up in my home for this shoot with Dorey Kronick, was intentionally chosen because Hannah expressed her love for this particular style when she saw it. This type of wallpaper is common in the South, seen in both upscale establishments and rustic old dives, and it always reminds me of her when I see it.

The beautiful white chrysanthemum flowers along with the flamed white candle represents her death and the light that guides her along her path. The books signify her wealth of knowledge and her passion for learning. Reading was very important to her, though she read less towards the end of her life.

The key on top of the books symbolizes the key to our bedroom that I couldn’t find the night that she died. She had locked herself in our room after an argument, and so I slept on the couch, unaware of what was happening behind that closed door.

The bottle of bourbon and the half full cocktail glass represent the last night we spent together, drinking Manhattans in her fine German glassware. The bright blue chairs symbolize my family, who were my support and a beacon of light during my darkest times. My brother, Sean Cahalan, was there that night and the next day, and I don’t know if I would be here now if he wasn’t there with me that morning. The empty seat across from me was meant for Hannah, a poignant reminder of her absence.

I found the woman I loved hanging in our closet the next day, July 28, 2016